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Posted on Apr 12, 2012

The value of friendliness works in marriage too!

What is a friend?

I think author and motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia – also known as “Dr. Love” – stated it best:
“A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.”

What’s important about this statement is that the focus is on the element of one. One friend.

From our earliest childhood memories, we may desire to have many so-called friends. But we’re generally happy when we have one person we consider to be a best friend. Some might argue they have two or three best friends. But the point is that the number is small.

Then you meet that “someone” very special. And you get married.

Your spouse becomes your partner, your lover, your sweetheart, your dear, your helpmate, and many other cute names that are only shared between the two of you.

But is your wife or husband also your friend?

All too often the value of friendliness is lost after a short time of marriage. While the other elements of the marriage might remain, any sense of friendship is missing. This is sad. It doesn’t have to be this way.

The Value of Friendliness

As a differentiating value, Friendliness means inclined to help or support; warm and approachable; inviting.

We appreciate when a stranger offers to be helpful. If they open a door for you, or help you pick up your things after they accidently spill all over the floor, we tend to acknowledge their kind help by saying “thank you.”

We appreciate when we are greeted with a warm welcome as we enter someone’s home. If we’re invited to join someone at a game, concert, or just go see a movie we feel connected and special.

When we enter a crowded room, and someone captures our attention with a smile and invites us to join them, we feel a sense of belonging.

Such experiences provide a sense of security that no matter what negative things may happen in our life, somebody cares about us. We’re not invisible. We matter.

Now, what if your spouse behaved this way or did these things?  Better yet, what if you behaved this way with your spouse?

Friendliness in Marriage

If you are newly married or married 15 or 40 years, now is a great time to start being friends with your spouse. Never mind the past. It’s past.

You may already be best friends. You might be far apart in the relationship. But every day is a new day. Make friends with your spouse.

How, you ask?

Remember being in kindergarten and walking up to some kid and saying “want to play with me?” Or maybe you were the one being asked. Not much really changes in life. Or in marriage.

Be inclined to help or support your spouse. Be warm and approachable. Be inviting and share a little of yourself. Then share a little more. And ask “want to play with me?”

Embrace the value of friendliness in your marriage, and you just might discover your best friend ever is lying right next to you in bed.


How can friendliness help improve a marriage?


1 Comment

  1. My husband is also my friend. Well in fact he is my best-friend since our childhood. And i feel great about it. I was so lucky that i have a lover and a best friend just in one person. Whats nice about it is that despite of us being a lover our friendship will surely not fade until we get old.


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